Home is Where the Heart Is?

So my mom called me out, in the sweetest way of course, the other day. I was telling her about something that I’ve got to do when I get “home” (as in Denver), and she was quick to remind me that no, my home is not Denver. My home is here, in North Carolina, with her. Moving to a new city without friends or family has created two worlds for me. These worlds of my Denver life and my NC life are so completely different, which makes them so completely separate, that it’s difficult for me to create any ties to bind them together.

Which is fine to me, because even though my experiences and friendships and routines are radically different in each of these places, I still consider myself to have two homes. I feel just as comfortable in Denver with my roommates and friends and new job (yay!) as I do sleeping in my childhood bedroom and eating dinner with my family and hanging out with my best friends from high school and college in North Carolina.

It only becomes a problem when I have the “out of sight, out of mind” attitude by absorbing myself into my new surroundings. That’s when I forget to keep my friends personally updated on my life, and they have to get all their knowledge from some awesome online reading material instead. ;)

I guess, all in all, I’m a really lucky girl. I’ve got two places where I can find acceptance, encouragement, understanding, and love; all of those things you find at home. And hopefully, as 2010 is coming to a close, you're hanging in a place where you can find those things as well.

Room for Impact

This weekend was an emotional one for me.

A couple of weeks ago my nanny family informed me that because the parents had a diminished workload, and were taking in his mother to live with them full-time, they wouldn't be able to afford my childcare services any longer. Not only was I totally close with them and their baby, but that job also provided half of my monthly income. I can certainly make do on less, and should be able to begin substituting in January, but this is coming an a very inopportune time. November and December just happen to be the most expensive months of my entire year. So I'm nervous about being able to pay my bills. My last day of work with that family was Friday, also my 24th birthday.

And now I'm in my mid-twenties, and going through a quarter-life crisis. I've already learned my lesson about making my own plans without paying attention to what God's really trying to tell me - but now my impatience is trying to take over. Sometimes I still feel ultra directionless, and can't even conceive a way to get started.

Saturday we had a smashingly successful party to celebrate four birthdays, mine included. Nothing scary or emotional about that, except for the fact (and I'm speaking for all of us) that we are so incredibly lucky to have the friends we do, and we all felt ultra loved :)

We're in the midst of a new series at my church about taking time out of your life to actually relax and breathe. Coming from my Wake Forest background, that's not something I do easily, and my current list of extra-curricular activities proves it. I'm trying my darndest to not make money or my job my idol, and I'm slowly starting to realize that perhaps God is closing this nannying door temporarily to get my attention. Now I have more free time in my afternoon to work on my potential job and school applications, and to spend more time with Him. I was convicted to the point of tears on Sunday about how I've let my activities come between me and my God. Even if I'm doing wonderful, community service-y, churchy things, that still shouldn't be my replacement for conversations with God. He knew I wasn't going to create time on my own, so He created it for me. It couldn't be a clearer sign. I'm making room in my life for impact.

Thank goodness for His unconditional love, that even when I ignore Him and try to do it on my own, or fill my time so completely that there's no time to bask in His wonderfulness, He still so lovingly offers me grace. Even when I'm in the middle of my own pity party full of doubt He offers me acceptance. Guillermo says it perfectly - "Jesus loves knuckleheads."

Can I get an Amen?

Here's What I Think, How a Ballot You?

As I am now a Colorado resident (new license and plates!), I decided to take part in my civic responsibilities and vote on November 2. I'd done my best to prepare for the election by researching candidates and issues that would be on our ballot.

However, I was in for quite the surprise when I got to the end of the ballot. After deciding on amendments for lowered taxes and abortion rights, I read this question:

Initiative 300

Shall voters for the City and County of Denver adopt an Initiated Ordinance to require the creation of an extraterrestrial affairs commission to help ensure the health, safety, and cultural awareness of Denver residents and visitors in relation to potential encounters or interactions with extraterrestrial intelligent beings or their vehicles, and fund such commission from grants, gifts and donations?

Say whaaat? I thought it was a joke, and actually looked around my polling precinct for the hidden camera, but no camera. This was serious business. Luckily, more than 84% of Denverites voted down the ordinance. For now, no UFO commission, but I heard that Denver is an "ideal" location for an extraterrestrial experience, so I'll keep you posted. :)

Embracing the Adventure - Part 2: The Reflection

I'm slowly beginning to recognize that this series of events was always God's plan. Things have not gone my way for the last year and a half, and for good reason. See, I'm an ultra prideful person. And the worst part is, I never realized it was a problem. I was blinded by my own pridefulness. The changes to my plan are God's way of saying "Hey Cathy, I'm going to bring you down a notch because I have incredible things planned for you and your huge ego and plans are getting in the way." There's a difference in "being proud of my accomplishments" (New Year's 2009) than the pridefulness that fueled my thoughts and actions. For example, I always had this attitude that nannying was "beneath my expertise." WHAT? Get serious. I used so much of my teacher training during my nannying experience and have realized all over again why I love working with children. I'm so embarrassed to admit that; so many of my dear friends have nannied and I always secretly felt sorry for them. WHAT? Get serious. So, I'm terribly sorry and hope you can forgive my stupid thoughts against an honest, awesome way to work with kids.

Finally, I'm changing my attitude. Thanks to this unplanned experience, I've made some incredibly dear friendships, been challenged professionally, and developed spiritually. I've found an outlet to volunteer with elementary educational tutoring/mentoring, and will substitute here in local school systems while I'm reapplying for my professional Colorado teaching license.

This is the adventure I was seeking. I don't know what's in store for my life in the next 6 months, much less the next year or the next 10 years. All I know is that I'm asking God to change my heart for honest and altruistic motivations, and to help me abandon my selfish nature to glorify Him. I'm trying to constantly seek His plan, and trying my best to keep my ego in check. I think my 2011 resolution should be a nice mix of the last two years:

Embrace God's adventure for my life, no matter what the future holds.
Amen.

Embracing the Adventure - Part 1: The Recollection

So I've been computerless for the last few weeks, and I finally sucked it up and bought a new one so we've got TWO NEW POSTS comin' at ya. You lucky.

I recently looked back about my New Year's Resolutions from January 2009 and 2010. Most of them are the same (e.g. staying physically and socially active) but there are a couple that stand out from each year:

2009: Be proud of my accomplishments, no matter what the future holds.
2010: Embrace the adventure.

I find these two particularly interesting for a few reasons. January 2009 marked the beginning of my last semester in college. I knew the future was fairly uncertain, even though I certainly HAD a plan that I thought should be exactly executed haha In January 2010 I had already spent one full semester out of college and NOTHING that I expected to happen did. That's when I changed my attitude...sort of. God obviously had other plans for me, and it took me almost 2 years to recognize it. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me back up.

The plan all along was to secure a teaching job prior to graduation, move out to Colorado Springs, and live happily ever after. What actually happened was this:

Summer '09: No job at graduation - Not really hearing anything from Colorado schools - Kept summer student job (expecting to pickup and move at any moment) - August arrives and I still don't have a job - Too prideful to be a nanny, accept job anyway.
Fall '09: Having an incredibly experience with my nanny family - They encouraged me to move to Denver instead of the Springs - Called for a temporary position in student affairs - Accepted my new job to start in January.
Spring '10: Loving my job in student residential life - Making the ultimate decision to move to Colorado with no job and no friends
Summer '10: Make the move - Accept a part-time nanny position - Hop back on the retail train until something in education comes up - Temporary teaching license expires - Too qualified for para positions, not qualified enough for classroom teaching without a current license
Fall '10: Making the realization and accepting that I may be waiting until the 2011-2012 school year to finally secure my own classroom - Getting everything in place to substitute and network.

That's quite different from my fairytale one-line original plan, huh?

This Is It

I am happy. I mean, I’m generally a happy person; really “smiley.”

There have been many times since my trek to the west that I haven’t been so happy – there’s a lot more involved with moving half-way across the country than I originally thought: (still) dealing with life after college, striking out on my own without my friends or family, not having a full-time job, and feeling completely, utterly, and hopelessly lost.

Fortunately, I’m also an adaptive person. So I stuck to my guns, smiled my best smiles, tried new things and places, met new people, and have already made some incredible memories. I am finally beginning to feel like I belong in this new place – I’ve even picked up some of the local lingo – I’m totally on my way to being a Coloradi :)*

And now that I’ve already experienced practically every awkward moment imaginable (yeah, that’s right), I am incredibly happy. I know that sometimes I use this blog as a way to complain or talk about what’s wrong, but this time, I’m talking about what’s right. And I also know that my move was not as far away as some of my friends have so bravely done, but it was no less momentous and no less awkward haha.

So great the next day with one of your best smiles, repeat my personal mantra – “a day without laughter is a day wasted,” and just.be.happy.

*Disclaimer: They’re Coloradans, not Coloradis – I just wanted to make sure you knew that I knew the correct local lingo*

Stuck at the Starting Line

I had an epiphanical (if that’s not a word I just made it one) moment on my way home from work today followed by some serious reflection while listening to (none other) The Avett Brothers which was so rudely interrupted by some lady trying to cut me off and cause an accident during rush hour traffic. Thankfully, I did get in some good thinking before my thoughts wandered to some more “choice” words.

We’re doing this series at church entitled “I have a friend who…” and a couple of weeks go we dealt with “struggles with being single.” Ok, we’re about to get ultra vulnerable here, so just buckle up. This girl was once in a serious relationship. Big time serious. Abandon-your-friends-and-family-just-so-you-can-have-more-time-with-each-other serious. I was certain that “God blessed the broken road” that led him to my life, and we were headed for the aisle. Wrong.

Two years later and I have a couple of wounds that are still healing mmm…more like scarring, and they’re ugly. (A quick aside, I love my friends. You know who you are – you watched me cry, yell, get so angry I couldn’t even think of an outlet to express it and just shut you out.) Sometimes I feel like I’m stuck at the starting line, waiting for my life to start when I’ve found a career and a guy to share it with. As if my life has no significance while I’m still single. This was identified as the “Traditional View” of singleness during the lesson, so at least I know I’m not alone...haha isn’t that ironic?

The rest of our time was spent building us singles up. I learned that we have a ridiculous advantage. We can follow God’s call whenever, wherever – those decisions are only affecting one life. We also should have ridiculous appreciation – God is saying: “Cathy – accept this gift of singleness that I’m giving to you today” and that’s it. Accept right now for right now. The world needs my gifts, and my heart for others, and my want to serve.

Today, on my way home from work, I stopped pouting about being single. This is where I am for now, not forever, and I’m beginning to finally recognize that the one who will find me, to get rid of my singleness forever, is worth waiting for. The gun has gone off, and I’m starting my life.

Help Wanted

I discovered my passion for education sophomore year of college. I was taking the very first available class – Foundations of Education. I found myself excited to go to class each day, literally eating up the discussion and assignments. Nothing else mattered when I researched for those papers – I had finally found something in which I could absorb myself completely.

Breaking the news to my family that I was going to major in Education and plan on teaching elementary school after graduation was not an easy task. My parents have always supported my decisions, and I knew I could tell them anything. And yet, it took a little getting used to, to imagine that the cost of 4 years at my private university would equal over 6 years of a teacher’s salary. I took my next two years seriously preparing for a teaching career, and had an amazing experience with my department.

Now I’m still in the search for a teaching job, but it’s not my favorite thing to talk about. Not that it’s a sensitive subject; it’s just hard to tell people over and over that I’m still seeking a job that I feel so prepared for. I worked so hard, and cared so much about my projects and assignments and teaching experiences, but now I’m fighting feelings that I’m not as good of an educator, or I’m missing something that everyone else knows. What could I have done differently during college to better prepare me for this time? What is the key phrase to tell possible employers “HEY! I’m the best person for this position, and all I need is a chance to show you.” I realize that moving to a new area means that I might have to start small – substituting, assistant teaching, or even volunteering – to get my foot in the door, and that’s something I’m willing to do.

I know God has a perfect plan for me, and I know education is the career for me, but right now, more than anything, I think He’s trying to tell me to be patient. Be thankful for this day, and this place, and these people that I’m surrounded by. Keep doing what I’m doing. Stay close to the field that I love so much, no matter what, and the perfect job will find me.

A Night on the Town

What an introduction to Denver nightlife.

My roommate and I decided that a Friday night out was exactly what we needed – while we’re not normally club-hoppers, there is something exciting about fixing your hair and doing your makeup and finding the perfect outfit…especially when your day-to-day life is typically very low maintenance.

We got all dolled up, and headed to the lightrail station. This metro system will take you straight into downtown Denver from our neighborhood for a measly $4, a much better deal than the $15 parking decks or spending an hour fighting against those searching for the free street meters.

Unfortunately, the local place we were meeting up with friends was quite a hike from the lightrail station (and coincidentally, across the street from the former Real World: Denver house), and our feet were already beginning to hurt by the time we made it to the line. Reminder for next time: when you’re riding the lightrail, wear flats. We were the first of our group to arrive, and while we were waiting I discovered the following about the residents of my new city:
• The place is crawling with young people.
• The guys (try to) find creative ways to introduce themselves. A few samples from last night:
o OH MY GOSH…you’re beautiful.
o I saw you texting, but my phone’s not buzzing.
o I have some friends that would like to meet you.
o Where are you going next? I was going to go party with you.
o I’m a pro golfer, and I’ve played along side Tiger Woods.

Finally, we met up with our friends, and had a fantastic time of catching up and making weekend plans. But, soon it was time to call it a night. N* and I decided to catch an earlier train. The last pickup from downtown leaves at 1:45, so everyone who’s hanging around for those last moments of the night hops on then. We fortunately left a little after 1:00, but were not without our share of interesting characters on the train.

There was the 50+ woman who stumbled into, and hit on, any guy seeming to be under 30. There was the young-20s girl who was being supported by her friends, getting sick and falling asleep a couple of seats back. There was the mid-20s guy who fell into a deep sleep, rolled off his seat, and cracked his head on the floor. Since he appeared to be alone, N* called 911 and had an ambulance meet him at the next stop. He tried to say he was fine, and the Wackenhut security officers had to physically take him off the train to get checked out.

All in all, it was definitely an interesting night, and I couldn’t have been with better company. Each day I’m becoming better friends with my roommates, a true success story from Craigslist.

Next time, we’ll probably take the 1:45 train, just to see what happens.

Ageism?

People can never guess my age. When I was 17, everyone thought I was 13. When I was 21, everyone thought I was 18. And now that I’m 23, I still get confused for a 20 year old, but I don’t get offended anymore. I’m told that when I’m 40, and everyone thinks I’m 30, I’ll even appreciate it. We’ll see.

I found a place to live. I live with four incredible girls in a quiet neighborhood about 15 minutes outside of downtown. We share a 5 bedroom house, 2 dogs, and a cat. We’ve got a lot going on. Everyone has their own transportation, and everyone (except me) has at least 2-3 jobs. When I first moved in, I asked my new roomies about our neighbors, and they all said that there’s been a good relationship with most, but that all changed this weekend.

Saturday, my car spent the day parked in front of our neighbor’s house, opposite the flow of traffic. We walk out to my car that night to a note that says “DID YOU GO TO DRIVING SCHOOL? TELL N* I’VE HAD IT!” Ok, in my opinion, that seems a little intense for the situation…especially because he’s never mentioned it to her before. I moved my car, and the next day wrote an apologetic letter introducing myself, including my phone number, and asking to make sure that this “incident” doesn’t affect the way he views our landlord/roommate, or our house in general. Nice try, Cathy.

Yesterday, the kid of our neighbor drops a note in our mailbox. He told N* he’s not happy as a neighbor, and here are some of his concerns:
- having 5 cars parked in front of the house…this is a neighborhood, not a parking lot
- barking dogs
- finding her roommates on Craigslist…we could be anybody, and he fears for the safety of his children
- the condition of the front lawn…we need to turn on our sprinklers
- if she needs roommates to help pay the mortgage, maybe she should’ve thought about that before she bought her house

As if any of the above-mentioned items are any of his business. I think the thing that frustrates me the most is that, instead of walking over himself to talk to the roommates, he passive-aggressively sent his own child to deliver a letter. It’s not fair to be judged based on your age. It’s just like when the sales associate at a store ignores your presence because you look too young to be seriously buying something from their establishment. When people see a house of twenty-something single people, it’s automatically assumed that we’re completely out of control ragers who have no respect for our neighbors; a view that could be completely eliminated with one real conversation. Even in the face of goodwill and kindness, some people will just refuse to be happy.

It very much reminds me of the cinder blocks next to the Minorcas house.

Day One - As Experienced on 6.11.10

Tank of gas #1: gets us through NC and into TN. While driving through some of our beautiful cities I was awestruck with how magnificent some of God's creations really are. My navigatress and I decided right about the time we crossed through Asheville that, given the choice, we would so rather live closer to the mountains than the beach. Good thing I'm moving to a place where the nearest beach is 1,000 miles away, but the nearest mountain is practically in my backyard. :)

I've resigned myself to the fact that I'll be giving up Bojangles, Cheerwine, and Cook-Out milkshakes, so I'm also using this first day to hang on to the last bits of southern culture. We stopped for lunch at Newport, Tennessee's Cracker Barrel (little did we know we'd have an opportunity to eat at the Barrel at every other exit the rest of the day!). FYI - Cracker Barrel has 594 locations nation-wide. We dined on chicken, green beans, fried apples, mac & cheese, homemade biscuits, and fried okra..that's about as southern as you can get!

Tank of gas #2: switch drivers for a bit. Next stop - Nashville. From the passenger seat I see a construction sign indicating "long delays" in about 10 miles. No big deal. Sikkkkke. Not long after we find ourselves in standstill traffic. Literally no movement. We've got shirtless drivers hopping out of their cars to talk to truckers, heads hanging out of windows to try and see what's going on, and a lot of fist pumping (the happiest kind, of course).

Fast forward north 5 hours, and we're finally in the booming Kentuckian metropolis of Paducah - home to the National Quilt Museum and more restaurants within a square mile of our hotel than any other place either of us have ever visited. It's that big of a deal. Tomorrow, we're off on our second leg and third tank of gas. Slowly, but surely, I'm getting to those Rocky Mountains calling my name.

The Best Policy

God has blessed me with some amazing friendships.  These people literally support me, through a night eating our favorite frozen yogurt and watching She's the Man (huge Amanda Bynes fan), calling just to see how I’m doing, or a quick text reminding me that I am loved.  To constantly know that you’re appreciated and that you have people around loving you…what more could you ask for?

I had an amazing day with a relatively new friend.  Our first time on hanging out one-on-one, and we spent at least six hours in meaningful conversation…how often does that happen?  We mostly talked about our relationships with others and how we could help them to develop and grow in the best way.  And you know what we came up with?

Those that have stood the test of time have (at least) one crucial thing in common – they all value honesty.  Telling the truth can take many forms – constructive criticism, a behavioral intervention, or recounting some of your life’s experiences.  It’s ok to be vulnerable with them; you can trust them to proceed with that new information in a wise way because you’ve been honest with them, and they’ve been honest with you.

Beginning a new relationship on anything but honesty sets it up to fail.  The same goes for your (and my) relationship with Jesus.  He loves you (me).  He wants to know you (me).  He wants to hear you (me) talk with him and love Him in return.  If you can do that, He will bless you in unimaginable ways.

So be honest with Jesus, be honest with your friends, and certainly be honest with yourself.  It’s always the best policy.

Saying Goodbye

It's the attitude of the college senior to her friends on graduation day; whatever it takes to keep it together.  It's not goodbye, it's see you soon.  She's always looking forward to the next time she'll see their beautiful smiling faces.  I said those words last year, and this year is no different.

Yesterday I said goodbye to some of the most wonderful people I've ever had the pleasure to work with.  I've been challenged to grow and supported in my initiatives through the course of this most recent position than through any other work experience in my young professional life.  I cannot thank them enough for their mentorship and caring.

They surprised me with a lunch on my last day of work - almost everyone could make it; just for me.  Each of my colleagues submitted song titles to be compiled on a 2-disc set :) of roadtrip tunes for the ride out west.  It meant so much to me to get the opportunity to spend some of my last moments with the other members of our team.


And so, as my days in North Carolina are getting fewer, and the door is closing on this latest chapter of experiences, I want to say to everyone in RL&H, see you soon.

 

Colorado? Are you serious?

I'm not the stereotypical Southern Belle. I grew up in the mid-South, was never a member of the Junior League, and my descendants were sharecroppers in Appalachia. However, I am qualified to be a member of the DAC (Daughters of the Confederacy), attended cotillion for 3 years as a tweenager, and have sweet tea practically running through my veins; that's gotta count for somethin' y'all. I love my family and the Old North State, but something is missing.

It was the summer of 1989. My parents loaded my toddler-self, my kindergartener brother, and my newly retired grandparents into our 1985 two-toned "Big Blue" Suburban and left North Carolina in our rearview mirror as we traveled cross-country to the open arms of my aunt and uncle awaiting us in California.

Twenty years later, I want to go back. I've spent my childhood, adolescence, and college years in cities that could be reached in less than an hour of each other. So I've been praying for almost a year for an out-of-state adventure, and each time God says, "Colorado."

Colorado? Are you serious?

-I don't know anyone from Colorado!

Now I do.

-I've never spent time in Colorado!

Now I have.

-I'm too nervous to move that far from my family!

Not anymore.

Isn't God miraculous?

These entries will be a way to share my adventure with those at home, and provide an outlet for me to try and make sense of the new life God is making for me in the wild-west. :)