I'm slowly beginning to recognize that this series of events was always God's plan. Things have not gone my way for the last year and a half, and for good reason. See, I'm an ultra prideful person. And the worst part is, I never realized it was a problem. I was blinded by my own pridefulness. The changes to my plan are God's way of saying "Hey Cathy, I'm going to bring you down a notch because I have incredible things planned for you and your huge ego and plans are getting in the way." There's a difference in "being proud of my accomplishments" (New Year's 2009) than the pridefulness that fueled my thoughts and actions. For example, I always had this attitude that nannying was "beneath my expertise." WHAT? Get serious. I used so much of my teacher training during my nannying experience and have realized all over again why I love working with children. I'm so embarrassed to admit that; so many of my dear friends have nannied and I always secretly felt sorry for them. WHAT? Get serious. So, I'm terribly sorry and hope you can forgive my stupid thoughts against an honest, awesome way to work with kids.
Finally, I'm changing my attitude. Thanks to this unplanned experience, I've made some incredibly dear friendships, been challenged professionally, and developed spiritually. I've found an outlet to volunteer with elementary educational tutoring/mentoring, and will substitute here in local school systems while I'm reapplying for my professional Colorado teaching license.
This is the adventure I was seeking. I don't know what's in store for my life in the next 6 months, much less the next year or the next 10 years. All I know is that I'm asking God to change my heart for honest and altruistic motivations, and to help me abandon my selfish nature to glorify Him. I'm trying to constantly seek His plan, and trying my best to keep my ego in check. I think my 2011 resolution should be a nice mix of the last two years:
Embrace God's adventure for my life, no matter what the future holds.
Amen.
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