Stuck at the Starting Line

I had an epiphanical (if that’s not a word I just made it one) moment on my way home from work today followed by some serious reflection while listening to (none other) The Avett Brothers which was so rudely interrupted by some lady trying to cut me off and cause an accident during rush hour traffic. Thankfully, I did get in some good thinking before my thoughts wandered to some more “choice” words.

We’re doing this series at church entitled “I have a friend who…” and a couple of weeks go we dealt with “struggles with being single.” Ok, we’re about to get ultra vulnerable here, so just buckle up. This girl was once in a serious relationship. Big time serious. Abandon-your-friends-and-family-just-so-you-can-have-more-time-with-each-other serious. I was certain that “God blessed the broken road” that led him to my life, and we were headed for the aisle. Wrong.

Two years later and I have a couple of wounds that are still healing mmm…more like scarring, and they’re ugly. (A quick aside, I love my friends. You know who you are – you watched me cry, yell, get so angry I couldn’t even think of an outlet to express it and just shut you out.) Sometimes I feel like I’m stuck at the starting line, waiting for my life to start when I’ve found a career and a guy to share it with. As if my life has no significance while I’m still single. This was identified as the “Traditional View” of singleness during the lesson, so at least I know I’m not alone...haha isn’t that ironic?

The rest of our time was spent building us singles up. I learned that we have a ridiculous advantage. We can follow God’s call whenever, wherever – those decisions are only affecting one life. We also should have ridiculous appreciation – God is saying: “Cathy – accept this gift of singleness that I’m giving to you today” and that’s it. Accept right now for right now. The world needs my gifts, and my heart for others, and my want to serve.

Today, on my way home from work, I stopped pouting about being single. This is where I am for now, not forever, and I’m beginning to finally recognize that the one who will find me, to get rid of my singleness forever, is worth waiting for. The gun has gone off, and I’m starting my life.