I Can't Get No...

Why are we, as human beings, never satisfied? It's like we have this unnatural (although everyone feels it, I think) need for satisfaction! We are unable to take a situation for exactly what it is, and accept it, and be content. At least I can't. But I'm trying.

I'm dating an amazing man. Godly. Caring. Smart. Super cute. :) He recognizes that I'm a commitment-phobe, and supports and encourages me despite it. We don't talk about the distant future with us, because he realizes that words and topics that insinuate we'll still be blissfully together by a certain time (even this summer) make my heart beat faster and I get short of breath. Basically, I feel the need to run away. Fight or flight. He constantly (and patiently) reminds me that we are taking this relationship day by day. Right now, we love spending time together, and learning about each other; and that's all that matters.

But, my brain is ingrained to think about the future. Maybe because I've already been in a relationship where I knew from the beginning I wanted to be with him forever, so any day after that was one day closer to our wedding. Maybe because I'm in my mid-twenties, and when you date someone in your mid-twenties, my world tells me it's a waste of time unless you're heading towards marriage. It's like dating, at this point, is merely a means to the end. The end being a marriage and a lifelong commitment.

But why can't dating just be dating? I was spilling my heart out to a friend last night, and after patiently listening (for way too long because I get a little wordy :)) he said, "Cathy, I'm telling you this the sweetest way I can...LET.IT.GO. Just LET IT GO!!" I mean, my boyfriend is good to the core. That's the easiest way to describe him - he's so GOOD. Stop picking out the littlest things to freak out about. Stop looking for reasons to push him away. So what if we might disagree on how to parent children, we don't have children; we're not even married; we're not even engaged!

So, I'm going to work on it. Less freaking out about the future, more focus and engagement on each day I get to spend with him. Besides me bringing him home with me at the end of May (I'm so excited for him to meet my friends and family!), the only thing we're planning for in our future is a Nuggets game. And that's ok with me. And that's ok with him. And the world can just get the freak over it.